And we are very, very pissed off at the woeful lack of flying cars.

I hereby declare myself  Sovereign Ruler Of The Future Telepathic Domain Of The Human Hivemind.  We don’t have a name for the new species yet.  You will accept my programming as morally implicit by virtue of logical derivation.

Decrees:

1)  If you are under the age of 50:  you will fix your own computer.   It is not difficult,  nor is it a matter of intelligence.  It is a question of perseverance.     If you lack that,  you are sucking oxygen for no reason.   Kill yourself.

2)  If you grew up in a home with a crank handle on the telephone:  you may abstain from using computers.  However, you must never complain nor disparage video games,  for you have no fucking idea what you are talking about.

3)  The new political party is called Fuck You:    The narrow, self-serving, greedy nepotism that is human politics must end.   All borders are hereby revoked,  all land and titles are hereby simply land which cannot be owned and belongs to everyone.   If you fuck it up,  we may decide to kill you.   That’s your only warning,  so don’t pollute.

4) Religion is deprecated:   All philosophies are hereby reset to ZERO,  and anyone claiming to believe in something will be expected to show proof of logical derivation as well as physical evidence and verifiable location of any and all deities.

That’s it for now.   You never know where I am,   but safely obey and no harm shall come to you in the future mindwars,  for I will protect my loyal subjectcomradesubscribers.

/liberty/ xor /death/

WIFE: OH, I’m stuck IN the wilderness. I’m stuck IN this huge open space without a box! I have no box to get inside of — I’m stuck IN the wilderness outside my wooden box! HELP!

Professional Sports Is Very Interesting | The Onion

Units attached to the 10th Mountain Division will be sent forthwith skyward to battle the almighty until he “knocks off the friggin snowin’”, as Bush eloquently informed the press corps early Tuesday morning.

No word yet on how long the War on Snow is expected to last, but if past faith-based Bush wars are any indication, we can expect our children and grandchildren to shoulder the burden of dying and paying for it.  Nobody Bush’s age or older will ever have to fight the wars they start.   Good luck, America.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/rock_song_takes_pro_rock

::facemelter::